My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
