Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
pray to the hookup gods
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
