after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
