Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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