I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
