I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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