I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
