Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
