I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just invented taco cereal.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
