Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
