I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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