I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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