it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
