all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
