I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
