Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize