I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
