He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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