How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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