no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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