If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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