im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
