I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
