sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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