I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
