I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
