Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize