I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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