when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
