her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
