You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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