she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
