I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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