My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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