I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
