Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
