Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize