I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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