i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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