Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
