Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
