saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
