Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
