i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
