So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
