I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
