I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
