i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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