All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
