Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
