Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
