Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
