I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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