she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
