you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
