Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
