At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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