AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
