and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
