I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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