I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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