I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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