Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
