Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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