She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
