May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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