i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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