Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
