Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
