I've blown a few things in my day
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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