i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
