Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
