miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
