just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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