VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
