Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
