apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize