Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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